Different kinda love story
by Susan Booker (Calgary Sun) on February 10, 2002
With Valentine’s Day creeping up, a light blinked on in this columnist’s weathered brain.
“Let’s help readers who are splitting up,” it flashed. “Let’s sit down with a seasoned professional and get some great tips on having a good divorce!”
It seemed like such a swell idea at the time. That’s why I’m in Ricky’s All Day Grill at North Hill Centre today.
And that’s why I’m lunching with Dr. Shannon St. Pierre
She’s 51. She’s fun. And her business card indicates she has a wide range of expertise. But that is not all folks. She’s an author.
“What do you think? Do you like the title of my book?” she asks, as I stare at the black-covered publication in front of me.
“I do. It’s risqué,” I reply, while trying to look cool and hip and wondering how in heck I’m going to tell everyone what the title is.
PARENTS, DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN READ FURTHER.
“The Sun is very forward thinking,” St. Pierre assures me.
(Yeah, the boss will love it, I say to myself. Yeah, this will be career-enhancing. Heh-heh. Sure hope he’ll sign my paycheque.)
But who knew? Who could have predicted that I would be agnozng over a book boldly titled If Vibrators Could Dance Who Would Need A Relationship?
“If any reader is offended by the title, I sincerely apologize,” writes St. Pierre on the book’s back cover. “Vibrators are mentioned in the title as a means of commenting on the articiality of our society. Couples who ‘make love’ move beyond this primal level to a greater emphasis on meeting their partner’s needs. Not so with a vibrator. Vibrators have no capacity to connect in a feeling way, as their sole capacity is to satisfiy biological sexual needs.”
Sure glad she cleared that up.
But speaking of needs, St. Pierre, who is a charted psychologist, clinical family therapist and registered divorce dmediator, says oe of the big reasons people end up in divorce court is because they don’t meet each other’s needs.
“Even pornography can present difficulties within a relationship,” she says. “Trust issues evolve as the female partner feels her partner is really having sex with the porn queen, rather than with the real live woman that she is.”
Wow. I came to talk about a good divorce, but I am uncovering so much more.
“Let’s say there are kids involved in your divorce, and you haven’t had the best relationship (obviously) with your soon-to-be ex, how do you change that?” I ask.
“Start talking,” my guest advises. “If it’s going to be a conflictual thing, ask to see a mediator. OR go to see a family therapist. If you can’t do it yourself, see a professional.”
Honestly, you’d think if a couple believed in the importance of their union they would never break-up, but life isn’t like that, folks.
“Not everybody is compatible,” my guest sighs.
And not every lunch date is quite what you believe it will be either.
Or every book title. (By the way, it’s available at the Woman’s Place Bookstore.) But what it it they say?
You can’t judge a book by its cover.